Even though marriage is desirable, it requires commitment — and absurd expectations diminish the advantages
By BeverlineTimanoi
For many women, ending up at the altar in your dream gown and the man of your dreams is the ultimate desire.Men — who are considered to have a commitment phobia —are practically dragged to the altar,against their allegedly promiscuous nature.
Men are afraid of “midlife crisis”, which makes them want a younger “trophy model”yet they are bound to their “old wives” due to marriage. For women, however,marriage is said to be a natural habitat.
Regardless of the myths surrounding marriage, it appears that marriage benefits men more than their wives. While women lose more personal things, men gain more health, wealth and happiness.
In addition to being happier and healthier than bachelors, married men earn more money and live longer;for women, the benefits of marriage are more strongly linked to child bearing and domestic care.
Logically, then, men should be the ones pursuing marriage,but today the rate at which they are hesitant to tie the knot is rising.
According to Peter Tajeu, 35 and divorced, even though marriage is desirable, it requires commitment — and absurd expectations diminish the advantages of being married.
“Marriages are declining because of the substantial increase in our behavioral commitment, which we are not always ready for,” says Tajeu.
Apart from the behavioral changes required, men associate marriage with increased responsibilities and the possibility of financial loss.
“A marriage commitment means that I am financially responsible for my wife and children — and sometimes her family, too.That is too much to bear with the tough economic times,” adds Tajeu.
Cohabiting is another challenge to today’s marriage life;most young men enjoy all the benefits of being married through cohabiting with women whom they are not fully responsible for. The freedom that comes with cohabitation limits the desire to actually marry.
“As a wife, the lady has a direct influence on his husband, but if you’re just my girlfriend I am not committed to changing my behaviors for you,” says Tajeu.
For women, men shift their focus once they get into marriage.They become fathers, providers and protectors.They cease being the passionate partners they previously were. Dissatisfaction to do with women’s expectations after marriage fails most marriages.
“Marriage turns our partners into different people, they forget about maintaining the bond that brought us together as they put all their focus into our new future,” adds Irene Wangui.
Women, who can naturally multitask,will fulfill their expectations as wives and still desire to be treated like in their dating years. However,men tend to forget about romance once they put a ring on the finger.
Financial income has a large stake in marriages.Many men who are still starting up will avoid marriage for reason that women will not marry a low-income man. On the other hand,if a woman has a good income, she believes that men are intimidated.
The nature of work also plays a major role on whether a marriage lasts. Truphena Awour an Administration Police officer,says the nature of her work makes marriage a dream.“My line of duty turns me into a tough lady and every time a man gets to my attention, they run away as soon as I state my line of work.They are afraid of me due to the stereotypes assigned to policewomen,” she adds.
A world where women largely stay at home to raise children no longer exists. In most households today, both spouses tend to be employed, mainly out of economic necessity. Working women revealed that cohabiting relationships are easier to manage, because men do not expect the traditional division of duties by gender in the relationship.
“Immediately after marriage, men transition into these beings that expect to be treated like children.They stop helping with household duties regardless of whether both of you are working,” says Irene.
Regardless of the challenges of marriages,people stay in failed marriages due to societal attitudes about divorce,the ability to maintain contact with children, and financial security.
